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   True Lesbian memories - The Awakening - part 2  

2/12/2008 14:00
Posted By:  - DOWNERS GROVE, IL  
Date Posted: 2/12/2008 14:00
   Posted by Debi:

This is also part of a story based on my experiences growing up and coming to terms with my sexuality...

I have always loved women. I knew the minute my heart pounded at the sight of Kay in the pre-school playground as she twirled in her cute pink polka dot dress that I was not, as they, say...'normal'. I couldn't care less for the stupid boys who were such ugly, smelly things in their dirty trousers and scuffed boots. Girls were so much nicer I thought. I liked the way they dressed, wore their hair...so soft...and how they giggled when I told a joke. It made my heart sing just to watch them. I had to be careful I soon realized as I grew older. It wasn't proper to want to stand so close to the girls just because they smelt so good....but I couldn't help myself.....it made my skin feel alive. It was torment.
My parents were strict religious folk and I grew up in a small coastal village in rural England where sheep roamed our back yard and everyone tipped their hat "Good morning." as you walked by. Everyone knew everyone...including your business..... and teenagers, myself included, would dream of escaping the confines of our youth and head to the big lights of a world known as London..so near...yet seemingly so far. It's very name was intoxicating....and lured me constantly....like the scent of a woman that lingers on your skin after she has left your bed....you want to breath it in...and lose yourself in the memory of how it came to be there....and you are left wanting more....I knew that if I was to live my life the way I wanted....I would have to leave the tranquil, conservative shackles of my home that threatened to stifle me and embrace this intoxication. Inhale its offerings deeply....and immerse myself in a world where I could be free. I knew it but the thought of telling my parents filled me with horror. I feared they would disown me, hate me, humiliate me and banish me to Hell. I envisioned them dragging me by the hair to the alter in our church and begging forgiveness from God for such an impure, wretched daughter. I wanted to run away. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell my anger at my feelings swirling out of control. But more than anything....I wanted Kay. Kay. Sigh. Kay....my best friend...who I had known since that first time I saw her in pre-school. She had blonde hair and green eyes...and a giggle that would melt the strongest heart. She was funny and smart as a whip....with the softest lips I could barely take my eyes off. I was fifteen and utterly, madly....in love with her. I was about to explode and it scared me. We would hang out together at the movies, go shopping or at each others houses and just talk...about everything...life, love...what we would be when we grew up...who we would marry...it was torture. I feared my actions because so often in her presence I would catch myself gazing at her breasts through her blouse as my heart pounded in my chest and then I would look away...fearful of her seeing me....I loved the way her hair fell around her face and the habit she had of tucking her hair behind her ear....her long neck and perfect chin.....I wanted to hold her face in my hands...trace her lips with my fingers....I would lay in bed at night and fantasize how it would feel to touch her....to feel my lips on hers....feel her scent waft around me as slowly I would undress her and gaze upon her naked beauty...these thoughts would fill my frustrated mind and I would masterbate furiously.....stifling my screams as I came....and weeping...would drift to sleep.
I knew the time was near where I would not be able to withhold my feelings for Kay.....
It was New Year's Eve, 1977. A night I will always remember. It was unusually warm that year because England had experienced a late heatwave and we were still without jackets.
My parents were spending the evening with friends outside of town and I was to stay home and babysit my baby sister which I was not best pleased about but quickly didn't mind when my mother said I could have a friend over. "You can have Kay keep you company dear if you like...I know her parents will be out and I'm sure she wouldn't want to be by herself on New Year's Eve..."
My stomach somersaulted as I grinned a stupid grin. "That'll be great Mum, thanks!" I was elated, excited....nervous...and delirously happy....I don't know why...but I knew that this evening was going to be special....I had a sense....and it almost made me want to throw up. I was beside myself. I called Kay right away. "Hey you! How are you?..." I questioned, smiling down the phone. "Hiya babe!" She responded...and the butterflies continued...Oh God, I love how she calls me babe..."So what's up?...what are you doing tonight?" She asked before continuing..."I'm so bloody bored, Mum and Dad are out tonight and as per fucking usual...NOTHING happening in this fart arse old town.." I laughed agreeing..."I know, tell me about it....but hey, come over to mine coz I have to babysit anyways...we can watch the celebrations in London on the tv.....maybe we can get some Chinese take out or something..." "That sounds great Gina! I'll get Mum and Dad to drop me off on their way out...probably around 7 or so, ok?" I nodded, "Sounds fab...see you later." And as I hung up the phone I danced a stupid dance in the middle of the room...."YES!!!"
It never ceases to amaze me how intuitive we, as women, are. Like, how we just know something...that feeling of knowing when something is going to happen....whether good or bad...that gut feeling....of a moment being right. That a thought that keeps intruding and probing....relentless in its presence....affords us the knowledge that the said thought or feeling....needs to be addressed...and that it is the right thing to do. Even if it is something that may cause hurt or anger. We have this invisible power of sensing....and of knowing when to go with that sense. It still resides with me now and whilst I do not rely soley on that gift to make decisions in life...it is mostly certainly a sense I never ignore and do trust implicitly.
I had that power that night. For years I had been hiding my true feelings for Kay and I knew I could no longer...I was desperate to reveal to her how I felt....how she made me feel....and my heart was racing at the thought....I was so fucking terrified...of everything....what would she say? What if she hated me?! Oh God, Oh God....she might never speak to me again.....my mind was going crazy!! I didn't want to lose her.....I knew I was taking a terrible risk but selfishly I didn't care.....I was tired...tired of hiding...tired of the torment of not being able to hold her....to touch her .... to tell her how much I loved her....how much I wanted her....I tried to calm my mind...telling myself to be quiet inside.....I thought about how we were together as friends....went over in my mind how she looked when smiling at me....how she reacted when she caught me looking at her breasts one time as quickly and nervously I had looked away...she had not reacted in anger or annoyance...that I do remember....she had not even joked about it...like the time we were talking about a boy in school who was known to be gay and she had called him a 'queer' and looked positively mortified at the thought of two boys together...and we'd had a real good laugh about THAT. Yet despite we had joked about it, it was not said in malice...just that we thought it funny and just couldn't imagine it....no....she had not minded my looking at her in that way it seemed...she had simply turned her head away in beautiful shyness....I recalled other times....the time on the beach in that long late summer and we had gotten ice cream and as it dribbled down her chin I had wanted to lick it up....I remember as that thought flashed in my head I had gotten a burst of fire in my groin which I swear made my ears turn red....and if they did, she didn't seem to notice or care.... but instead I traced the blob of ice cream with my finger and popped it into her mouth....and in that moment....just briefly....she looked deep into my eyes....as the fire in my sex raged...before we both fell about laughing......I thought of these moments and many others like them that we had shared....and that is how I knew....how I sensed.....that it was time....and the time was right.
I waved my parents a good evening as they left, read a story to my sister and put her to bed. She was asleep almost immediately.
I prepared myself for the evening....taking a long hot soak in the bath surrounded by bubbles. I shaved my legs, under my arms and taking care around my pussy not to cut myself....I wanted to be smooth as silk to the touch....and trimmed a neat little triangle...so pretty. I preened myself like a cat...wanting to look my very best....and like a cat, allowed thoughts in my head to lurk mischievously on how I would snare my prey....I somehow knew this also....I had never touched a woman.....yearned to....but never had. Not even kissed a girl. Not properly. Not the way I wanted. Yet somehow, I knew. Instinctively, I knew....and I was excited beyond belief. Laying in the warm water I was aware of my nipples hard and erect....and I could almost see my heart as it thumped wildly....I wanted to touch myself....and a sigh escaped my lips as my fingers found my warm, soft sex....so invitingly wet...NO!! I told myself....NO!...but I could not deny myself....my frustration and excitement was too intense....and thoughts of Kay seduced my mind as I succumbed to the rythymn of my fingers and rising climax as the water splashed around me.
She arrived at 7.30 with a smile and Chicken Chow Mein. She was wearing an Indian tie dye wrap skirt and cheese cloth shirt that tied at the waist. Her top was not buttoned all the way up and I could just make out her cleavage. My heart jumped. She looked un~fucking~believable. I swear I was sweating and hoped she didn't notice. "Oh you look so cute Gina!" She said looking me up and down...I didn't think I looked cute but was glad very much indeed that she thought so...I liked to think I looked....well......kind of...dapper...like cool, dapper...if you get my meaning...I was wearing dark grey flannel pants, wide bottoms...very IN back then....with a simple white cap sleeved T Shirt. No bra. Which I did on purpose. I wanted her to see my nipples. Which of course was pretty apparent as they were rock hard on a seeminly permanent basis when I was around her. My parents would have had a bloody FIT. But that night...I couldn't care less about them....or anything...I was a free spirit and feeling like I was someone about to be re-born....and this wonderful feeling was oh so POWERFUL.....I felt like nothing in the world could stop me and I was the happiest I had ever been.
We ate our Chinese and watched the silly shows on tv whilst I tried hard not to be constantly staring at her legs when she sat cross legged on the floor....every once in a while her skirt would open and I would catch a glimpse of white panties....teasing my mind and body...this yearning was too much....and I needed some help in finding my way..."Hey, let's have a glass of wine to celebrate...what do you fancy? White or Red?..Chardonnay my dear?" I exaggerated with a fancy bow...Kay laughed..."Why that would be delightful young sir!." As giggling, we opened the wine and poured out large quantities into tumblers I found in the drinks cabinet. "Gina, what WILL your parents say?!" Kay asked jovially... "Oh fuck 'em, who cares anyway! It's New Year's Eve!" Let's get pissed like everyone else!!" I yelled back triumphantly (of course for those of you NOT familiar with English verbage, pissed translates into 'drunk' or 'wasted'. Just so you know.... and like the giggling English girls we were, proceeded in that direction with great vigor...
I owe much to Chardonnay and perhaps that is why I still favor it today....for that night was the awakening I had so longed for...and without the assistance of my friend Ms C it might never have happened.
We had drank the bottle and were about to open another as we sang along and danced to a new album I had gotten for Christmas when a song came on the stereo.....'My Eyes Adored You'.....and momentarily, it was as if time stood still. We stopped laughing and I reached out to her and asked, "Dance with me babe?" She put down her glass and walked toward me without saying anything, our eyes locked. Stepping closer, she put her arms around my neck as I pulled her in and held her round the waist. We slowly moved to the music...our bodies finally touching....I was almost delirious with the smell of her....she rested her head on my shoulder and without realizing, found my hand stroking her hair and neck whilst my hips pressed against hers....she stepped back and looked at me, as if surprised...but not in a shocking way....it was almost surprised acceptance...and before she had a chance to speak her surprise or worse...I took her face in my hands and let myself fall into my dreams and kiss her soft, moist lips....very slowly I kissed her...gently....and to my sheer joy.....she responded....she moaned beneath me and all at once my soft kisses were urgently and feverishly wanting and needing to feed off this mouth and as her lips parted and allowed me inside I could feel my body shaking as my breath came in quick spurts.... I found I was panting.....like a bitch on heat I was on fire and wanting more...."Oh my God! Oh my God! She whimpered..."Gina...oh God Gina....nooooo...." But her body was telling me differently and I stepped back, cupping her face once more..."I love you Kay...I always have....please let me love you..." I looked into her eyes....pleading almost.....and she closed them as my mouth came down upon her...a moan escapes her lips... my tongue found hers and the dance began.....as urgently and somewhat haphazardly, we undressed....as I laid her down on the rug and my skin touched hers it was as if I were entering a new world.....nothing else mattered. Nothing. Just this moment.....this wonderful moment that was happening right now....
Looking down at Kay as she lay beneath me I could barely breath at her beauty...and of my wanting of her....I was trembling and found it hard to stop. My mouth was practically drooling and I licked my lips in anticipation..."Oh my God, you're so beautiful Kay.." I whispered....."So beautiful...."Her skin was smooth and soft to the touch and pure as porcelain on the eye....and made my own flesh tingle as I caressed her....I could smell her scent and inhaled deeply...bringing her into me. I wanted to devour her. All at once I wanted everything....I wanted to taste her, smell her, kiss her, love her, fuck her....get lost inside her....and find my soul.
My heart raced and I was shaking uncontrollably. I lowered my body down toward her as she arched her hips to me.....and smashed myself into her....she let out a moan as my mouth clamped down on hers...our lips and tongues once again feeding urgently....her hands clawing at my back....I was lost now...in a place I'd always dreamt about but never ventured...and she fuelled my passion into heavenly oblivion further with her ecstatic cries....my hands roamed her body...exploring every curve, every line, every crease....my body was steaming...with lust, with fear, with wanton abandonment ... and the wetness inbetween my legs was beginning to trickle down my thighs....I pushed and grind myself against her...I didn't know what I was doing but it mattered not, it felt so very right.....she was breathing heavily and whimpering deliciously.... and all I wanted at that moment ... was to be inside her .... sliding up and down our now sweaty bodies I wallowed in the saltiness of her flesh .... my tongue lapping it up like a dog. She squirmed beneath me as my mouth found its way to her perfect pert breasts....her nipples rising to greet my lips...Oh God, what joy! What wonderful fucking joy!...I could smell her sex....and it was hypnotic. I was being drawn in and could barely contain myself.... and neither could she... "Please Gina...pleeeeease..." She begged. I kissed her soft belly and rised up to kiss her fully on the mouth, almost biting her lip. Still trembling .... I prized her legs apart with my kneee....smearing my juices on her thigh as I did so....she let out a yelp and my thudding cunt almost exploded....I could stand it no longer...I pulled her closer to me, our mouths pressed tightly together and looked into her eyes....our bodies almost one...my hand was there now....resting on her glorious femininity.... my fingers slowly exploring her treasures.....soft, warm and enticingly wet....opening her lips and circling her clit made me shudder with pleasure...I could sense I was losing control in the sheer glory of her....she was writhing and pushing herself further into me and I gave in to her pleas.....and to myself....and plunged deep, deep into her, seeking that place....her very being....and knew instinctively the wonders of her flesh and gaping sex. Lost in my mind and in her....I fucked her hard and furious...the years of frustration and wanting lending a hand to the animal unleashed within me....I could feel her inside changing...the walls of her superb cunt building higher and higher...her softness was growing harder and....tighter... Her moans and cries more frequent....I was riding the waves, riding them with her, with each thrust my pussy which was swollen and drenched...was lusciously saturating her hip as I moved against her....I was lost...inside of her and all around her....I knew what was happening and as the waves grew stronger I heard my own screams of joy to finally be where I belong ... as that final wave came crashing down .... I yelled out as my climax relentless as her own orgasm burst wildly into me... deep and hard .... her legs shaking uncontrollably as she pulsated her pleasure...her cum flowed all over me...and overjoyed, felt an elation like no other...a peace... a love....and allowed myself to wallow in it....I had finally been awakened...and I would sleep no more....

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