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Forum Category: Jokes, Cartoons and Other Fun Stuff
  
  Topic
 Originator Date Posted 
   Only a man would do this ...... LMAO !  

HINCKLEY, MN
11/10/2013 19:52
Posted By:  - HINCKLEY, MN  
 
Date Posted: 11/10/2013 19:52
   I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one

side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second

burst from such a tiny lilole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

 





I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.





I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...





HOLY MOTHER OF GOD... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION... WHAT THE...**** !!!





I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in

the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and

over again.





I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears

in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to

be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,

and tingling in my legs!





The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to

a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to

avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.





Important Notes: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you

zap yourself!





You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand

by a violent thrashing about on the floor!





A three second burst would be considered conservative!





A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at

that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and

surveyed the landscape.





My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.





The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it

originally was.





My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.





My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip

weighed 88 lbs.





I had no control over the drooling.





Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for

sure, and my sense of smell was gone.





I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my

hair.





I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward

for their safe return!





PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and

now regularly threatens me with it!



BE WARNED !!!!!!!!!!!!!




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