A lot of you have been pleading with Team PUCKER to help that hapless, lost and oft misunderstood overlooked member of the LifeStyle, the dreaded Single Male. PUCKER, some of you write, what is to be done for our brethren, the single
male [sic]? Is there no advice or word of wisdom to bail a brother out?
No, of course not.
But, alas, I too am not made out of stone. /insert penis
At the outset, let me again say, you're welcome AND though it may seem that after PUCKER has spoken there is little left to add, please kindly give of yourself to our brothers, for they too crave your guidance. This is bigger than you or me. This is for the mankind. Man. Kind. There you go.
LS GUIDE for New LS SMs
A new Single Male in the LifeStyle, you are plagued with doubts.
You've read the Forum; you've started to question your very existence:
Do I belong in the LS?
What is LS?
What does LS have to offer me, the SM?
Am I really single?
Am I still male??
And if not, what the hell am I doing in
Man, you sure ask a lot of questions. But PUCKER
- Look down. Do you see a penis? If so, give yourself a
point for each penis. (bonus if you see more than two and double bonus if you
see more than penis)
- Why are you not wearing pants? Put your pants on. Give
yourself another point.
- Right now are you hearing a voice in the background, providing
instructions, directions, inspiration & guidance to get off the computer
and do something productive around the house instead of wasting the day on LL?
If not, give yourself another point.
- If, like me, you have already
forgotten the point of this exercise, give yourself another point.
If now you are asking yourself what was the point, you’re
getting the point of how those questioning your existence feel. Sort of. No,
not at all. No, wait. Fuck them. Fuck ‘em all. Hold your dick proudly. I know,
I know, you already do. You don’t need PUCKER’s help with
that. What you do need help with are the rest of the LS
Like, “who?” Or is it whom? And why? If so, when &
where? And then who pays?You know, for
a new guy, you sure ask a lot of questions! As you can see, you’re already paying.
No wonder you can’t get anywhere with anyone who matters. And for that matter,
PUCKER is here. PUCKER is here to provide you, the LS SM
this Definitive Guide to LL.
At the outset, let me again say: you’re
SM & His Role in LS
Being a Single Male in the Lifestyle comes with a lot of
baggage. For one thing, do you capitalize “single male” or not? What are the
rules for that?& who decides that?
Who the fuck comes up with these rules? (Ancient Mesopotamians). And if grammar
weren’t confusing enough, and if you actually do NOT exist, does that make an
SM in LifeStyle rarer than a unicorn? A manicorn? If a male analogue of MILF is
a DILDO (daddy I’d like to do), then a male unicorn… fuck it, man, nobody
cares. Just like why does a single word
like “lifestyle” get two capitals with one in the middle? The attention span of the LL audience has
already worn thin: we are at one page mark.
In conclusion, I'd like to say that I know this has been very
helpful, and that now you have no sexcuse for any future faux pas you are
likely to make. That, and in bLLogville, Mr. SUBLIME made a most wonderful amendment that is more real than reality itself: "the smartestest SM's are the ones who are still part of a couple"
LS SMs, YW!