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Lifestyle Sexual Advice
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Almost everything you wanted to know about the lifestyle, couples, bi curious females and swingers clubs... but were afraid to ask !!!


Question: Funcouplelookingtoexploreandhavefun

Dear Lounge Advice,

hubby and me are really new to the lifestyle and the San Diego Area, any bars or clubs that ARE LIFESTYLE friendly?

Thank you

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

There are no ON Premise clubs that I know of in San Diego. There are thou several promoters that host Lifestyle oriented events in the area. Check out the events page3 on the LL homepage.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Looking for a good time

Dear Lounge Advice,
We would really like to interact more, post more pictures and videos, and possibly exchange sext messages but we are hesitant because we don’t really know how to use the site that well and we don’t want to cross any lines or offend anyone.

Where is the best place for us to learn how to use all of the different features on this app or website?

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

I reviewed your profile, and I can assure you that you shouldnt have any challenges making connections. IMHO your profile has the right mix of textual content and pictures.

Many of our legacy and genesis features can be explained here with this link. If you have further questions about site features, please email Administration at this link


Email others that you find interesting and enjoy the site.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Shortandathleticandreadyforadventures!

Dear Lounge Advice,

My partner and I broke up when I started participating in the Lifestyle and moved too fast for him. We have now gotten back together and I no longer want to have sex without him, but I do want to introduce him to what essentially became my group of friends. How do I go about reassuring him I won't do anything without him this time? I know I made a huge mistake but do sort of want to be able to have some of both worlds.



Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Communicate and go slow. Let him set the pace. Find couples where you belive he would be attracted to.. And finally, let the trust build up at his pace, not yours.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Zestforlife!HotcplforsameorSF

Dear Lounge Advice,
So we believe that “taking one for the team” is just stupid. F
For us we BOTH have to be attracted to the others for playing.
So my question is why do so many profiles DO NOT show the males
In their profile. Sorry we are semi new and wondering

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

The woman is the 'bait'. Since most couples have a bi female, the woman is the commodity.
Me, I prefer to see pics of the guy too.
But alas, as long as women are higher in demand, their pictures will rule the majority of the profiles.

There is a negative Cause and Effect for these profiles thou.

Cause: A profile contains no photos of either partner

Effect: Your chances of making a successful match will decline dramatically. Remember that matchmaking of any type usually involves the need for a physical attraction. Without pictures, others will be hesitant to correspond with you. Your profile text may contain an appealing description of your physical attributes, but swingers are often visually driven. Be prepared to be asked for photos of you.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Newtothisandcurious.

Dear Lounge Advice,My wife and I want to try experiencing the lifestyle and are heading to Vegas the beginning of March. Do you have any suggestions where to go? We want to try a couple places for better odds of a connection. Hoping there's places in the afternoon as well as at night.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I would suggest posting this question in the LL Forums. Clubs and scenes change frequently, and what was the go to place last year may not be today.

Pot the question in the General Topic, Im sure you will get some great responses

  ASKROBYN
Question: funcouplelookingfor??

Dear Lounge Advice,
we are a married couple for 23 years. We have 4 kids and good jobs etc. We got in the lifestyle 5 years ago first with women for me but wife confessed that she wished that I was well endowed. I figure im average about 6. We have had had several hook ups for her with guys who are bigger than 8 and it works for her. she is able to have multiple orgasms from penetration and now would like to have a very private hung guy on the side we live in a small community and would not anyone to find out. I have come to realization that she wants it
Is this a dangerous idea or can married hot wives have a hung boyfriend on the side for just sex.
Im confused but we have talked to lots of women who are happily married where the wife has a bull on the side.

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Yes it can be dangerous or it can turn out fantastic for all parties. Communication and boundaries with your spouse are paramount before bringing a long term boytoy into the fold.



  ASKROBYN
Question: quality-notquantity

Dear Lounge Advice,

Looking to take my wife to an all inclusive swingers resort for her birthday in January. She wants the option of playing with single men (mfm). Aside from Temptations Cancun and HEDO2 (which is booked up during the dates we wanted to go) are there any other resorts that anyone would recommend that may be off the beaten path?

Thanks,

L and N

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

You might look at Breathless and Hidden Beach. Both resorts can be booked through our Travel Partner here on LL.

  ASKROBYN
Question: Playful couple seeking other couples for fun

Dear Lounge Advice,
hello there,
I am new to the lifestyle and my wife has experience. Was wondering what to expect and how to get rid of the shyness and nervousness with all this. We have met 2 couples so far but just did not feel it with either of them. What can i do to make it easier for me to get into the lifestyle and meet new couples? Thank you

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Social nervousness and shyness are very natural and can be overcome in time. Being nervous in new situations where you don't know others, or you don't quite know how to conduct yourself yet is normal. This natural reaction is fine if it doesn't get out of control. You're still new to this scene, and it can be overwhelming. However, being overly shy is usually rooted in self-consciousness. You must train yourself to focus your attention on other things. When someone speaks to you, truly focus on them. Show a genuine interest and ask questions when they speak. Try to memorize key information about them as they talk to you. Not only does this help you keep focus on them, but it diverts your self-conscious tendencies and allows you to gather information that you can use as a conversational springboard if you run into them again. Great socializers always keep the focus on those with whom they speak.
If you are succumbing to the internal processes that are hindering your social skills, the best way to overcome this is by focusing on anything and everything in your environment. This will also allow you to learn more and get a better feel for the interactions that occur.

In the meantime, acknowledge your wifes experience in the scene and for being patient and ask her to take the lead. She is your biggest asset and can help you along the way.


  ASKROBYN
Question: Wearelookingforamantocuckholdholdmywife

Dear Lounge Advice,

My wife is nervous about another guy joining in the bedroom and it's afantasy of mine. Any advice?


Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Well, she probably doesn't want to come and say that she wants it too, most likely. As a loving partner, she may feel that if she admit outright that she wants to do this, it might hurt you (yes, even though you're the one who wants to see it).
Since she sounds like she may be open to the idea, you may need to take the reins on this one. Have you both ever just sat down to have a completely honest talk about this? Honest, open communication can bring out some hidden thoughts and feelings.

You'll of course have to initiate this in a loving way, and do it in a way that she feels that she can express herself and her true feelings on this without judgement or any other negative consequence.

Another thing I can suggest in regards to having an open conversation about this, is to not forget to ask her about "HER" fantasies and desires. Never forget to make it about her in an equal way. Perhaps she'll want to do something new that makes you just as nervous. Maybe she wants to do something that even you had a desire for but were afraid to ask. The main thing to remember is to encourage a complete open and non-judgemental dialog. Promise each other that you won't judge each other negatively if either of you expresses a desire to do something new or different, even if you might admit that you're not able to do what she asks. You still just might discover some hidden gems that you never even dreamed of experiencing. You don't know what you don't know until you ask.

I'm going to include an excerpt for you that I have written on this subject in this past if you haven't already come across it in another advice letter. It may be helpful in your situation. Also, you should read the forum archives since the topic of reconciling religion and our lifestyle has been examined quite deeply from many people's points of view. Or, just create and original post. You'll be surprised at just how many others share your situation!


Here ya go :)
Many men have written for advice, asking how to get their wives into the lifestyle. Of course, in rare cases, the opposite may be the case, but we�ll use the former example as a springboard for this scenario.
This is a treacherous method of entering the lifestyle, knowing that your partner may not be up to it quite yet. Please do not push your partner into doing anything she is not comfortable doing. This will only cause problems in your relationship. If you wish to get her interested, sit down and talk to her about your desires. Show her a swinger�s website or a website of a local swinger's club. Explain to her that you can start on a swinger's site and see what happens. If she shows interest, great, but take it very slowly. You can't expect her to go from posting an ad to meeting a couple for full swap. Ask her if she would like to go to a club just to watch sometime, and take small steps from there accordingly.
As excited as you may be about swinging, it is best to step back and ascertain the best way for you both to enter the lifestyle comfortably. Your partner may require extensive time and exposure to feel at ease with this idea. Remember that many people hold misconceptions about the lifestyle and may need this time and experience to help clear up misunderstandings.

If you both do consider taking it further than online exploration, try attending a pressure-free event, such as a meet and greet, and make it clear that neither one of you is expected to do anything at all. This way, your experience will be much less intimidating and she will be more inclined to explore further.

If all goes well the first time them have her decide which event she might like to try the next time.

Your partner may warm up to the lifestyle a bit more if she enjoys the parties and the company and realizes that the stereotypes surrounding the lifestyle are often false and contrived. Attending lifestyle events serves many purposes for first-timers, or those who are otherwise timid of the initial experience. As a rule, she will be able to see firsthand the wonderful people that are involved in this, and understand that lifestylers are not depraved sexual predators, nor are they devoid of morals or couth. Morals are so subjective anyways, aren�t they? In fact, anyone who attends a lifestyle event will see just how �normal� many of these people are. Lifestylers are a microcosm of society, and come from all walks of life. They just happen to be a bit more open-minded in their sexual outlooks than most.

If you both opt to venture out to a function for the first time, do not expect your mate to do anything with anybody. Do not even allude to the possibility of such activity. This experience in and of itself will be enough of a sensory overload, without her mate expressing his desire for action. Simply allow her to take it all in, then discuss her reactions later. If this is done the right way, she may want more. After all, this was the initial goal.
If your mate expresses that she is just not interested, leave it at that. Tell her that is she would like to entertain the possibility, then she can bring it up when she's ready. Do not push! It will only make her feel insecure and make her wonder why you want to do this so badly. Women are delicate creatures sometimes, and we tend to analyze men's motives.


Guys, the best way to make her feel secure in entering the lifestyle is to reassure her that you love her, that she's beautiful, and that you are doing this not to find something better than her, but to enhance your relationship. If she doesn't hear this reassurance regularly, she will most likely assume that she just isn't enough for you, and that is why you feel the desire to swing.
It is perfectly healthy for one or both of you to determine that your relationship isn�t quite ready to handle swinging yet. However, If you feel that you are both in it for the right reasons, and truly capable of withstanding some of the challenges the lifestyle may offer, and believe that you can meet these head-on while still enjoying yourselves and maintaining a strong bond, then you are good candidates for swinging. Now that you�ve determined that your fire is strong, read on and get ready for the experience of a lifetime!

  ASKROBYN
Question: Singlemanlookingforsingle women and couples

Dear Lounge Advice,

Im bi-curious and also into a few bdsm type activities depending on my mood and desires. So, if I change those in settings will straight people be able to see that? Or, do I need to change it when my desire search changes?
The page that has a long list of things Im interested in I hesitate clicking the boxes because I dont want everyone to see that.
Make sense ??

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

Hello;

Any settings you change on your profile page are visible and searchable by other members. Embrace your sexuality, if you have a kink or dislike, let others know.

  ASKROBYN
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