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Question: Confused about hubby's trysts with a dishonest woman

Dear Lounge Advice,

Here's my dilemma (sorry for the long windedness).....

My husband and I are friends with another lifestyle couple. My husband and the Mrs are very attracted to each other, the Mr and I aren't. Which is fine, the Mr and I have had the discussion and are perfectly happy just being friends and watching our SOs go at it.

A few months ago I went on a short vacation and told my husband he had a hall pass, and mentioned the same to the other couple. So the 2 of them set up a date and everything was fine. Then I started noticing a lot of texts from her to him. Since then the Mrs has called and asked for afternoon booty calls, which my husband checked with me first and received permission.
Last time in conversation with the Mrs. after the sex he realized that the Mrs. had not gotten permission. Apparently she gets more of a thrill from sneaking around. (This makes no sense to me. We're in the lifestyle so we can sleep with other people!!) Anyway, after my husband realized this he told her that he wouldn't be able to sleep with her anymore unless she had permission. We both really like the Mr and don't think it's fair to him, and don't want to do that to him.

This past weekend we hung out with this couple several times. On one occasion I made some comment alluding to the afternoon sessions and got a shut-the-f***-up look. Stupid thing is I the one who apologized, for forgetting that I wasn't supposed to mention it. The next night we hung out again but we were flirting with a different couple and ended up taking them home. The Mrs. seemed very pissed off and unhappy that My husband wasn't paying attention to her. So the next night she asked if she could take him off for a little privacy, and I agreed because teh Mr was right behind her. Then I walk in the bathroom to hear them fucking in the stall. I walked out and the Mr asked me if I knew where she was. Apparently permission was not given. Again.

What should I do about this situation? I'm tired of this woman putting me in an uncomfortable situation. I don't really want to stop being friends with this couple but...?

And too, I'm angry at my husband for jumping in without checking to make sure she had permission. We had had a discussion and agreed that the only way he shouls go ther again would be if he checked. He didn't. Yes, I gave permission, but I didn't want to. I'm just afraid if I start telling him 'no' he'll stop asking for permission.

Sorry for the long drawn out tale, but there's not really anyone else I can talk to about this.




Dear (Anonymous),

Wow. I really think you need to break it off with this couple. Think about it- you are both entangled in lies and drama. You're also unwittingly enabling her habits by getting involved with her. Obviously, she's using your husband and your graciousness to fulfill her selfish needs.
Just think, if her husband actually finds out about what she is doing, and with whom, you could both find yoruselves wishing you had never met them. This woman seems to be the embodiement of drama, driven by lust and consumed by lack of judegement.
This has the feel of a delayed time bomb.

As for being afraid of telling him no, you shouldn't have to feel this way. If you fear that he may stop asking for permission, there are trust issues present in your relationship.
You two need to have a talk again very soon. The most important thing you need to open up about is your fear of saying no, and the reason why. That will be a tough thing to admit, but you really need to express this to him. It's only fair to give him a chance to address this. You may just find that your fears are unfounded, and your anxiety will be assuaged.
THE best cure for many of your issues is a good healthy dose of communication. If you bottle up your feelings and continue allowing your mind to wonder, it may lead you to an irrational place. Before anything gets out of hand, talk.
If your husband respects how you are feeling, he will listen to you, address your concerns and consider a different course of action with this couple.
If he's worried about losing a fun sex partner, there are plenty of others out there waiting to be had. His priority is your welfare. Everything else can wait.
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