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Forum Category: General Lifestyle Discussion Topics |
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would it be too much...? |
        
BEAVER, |
1/19/2017 11:06 |
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Posted
By:
        - BEAVER, |
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Date
Posted: 1/19/2017 11:06 |
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Jay,
Are we supposed to be impressed by your pigeon chess? It appears you wrongly are thinking of this as a debate.
No, I am simply taking you to task for having made broadly ignorant and dismissive comments about people you admittedly say you know nothing about. Didn't even know they exist!
In my own presented opinion I recognized that my solution would not necessarily work for everyone. I, in fact, framed it entirely as simply being an example of what works for us. I certainly did not suggest that anyone who didn't do it the way I do was putting their gratification before the welfare of their spouse. So, feel free to attack my character all you want, it just goes to further demonstrate that you are being defensive rather than rationally discussing this topic.
The issue of your failure here, that I see, is that you have made irresponsible claims about people you do not understand, and I will not simply sit silently by while you do that.
You have said, "I'll say it again. This all gets avoided ... if wives/gfs simply never play solo until a long standing, respectful, safe relationship has been established... Are you saying as a couple you can't wait until the hubby/bf is available to join you? Or you cannot wait until you've established trust and confidence in the SM of her choosing?
Seems like instant gratification is more of a priority in this debate than safety given what we have heard about the risk of assault, etc. IMHO: You do not court risk when it comes to your loved one's physical safety and psychological comfort."
No, that is not what these folks are saying at all. Of course if you took time at any point in your twenty year history of swinging to actually understand the community, maybe you'd know that. Or, maybe at least you would know that you shouldn't make assumptions about other people's values or sexuality and then denigrate them based on those assumptions.
What it "seems like" to you clearly reveals the degree of ignorance you have on the matter. Speaking pejoratively about people in your speculation of why they do what they do is not called for. It does not make your opinion stronger to do so, in fact it does the opposite.
So, I spoke up, supportive of your point wherein it was relevantly applied, and there are those for whom it is relevantly applied. I also pointed out the clear fact that it does not apply to everyone. A fact you pretend to successfully dismiss. Clearly you are not one to comfortably have your pretend sense of authority challenged. Best of luck overcoming that, but that's not really relevant to me. No, what is relevant is that people see that you are grossly incorrect in your assumptions; that your opinion overstepped your knowledge; and that your pejorative assertions are baseless.
You also went on to ignorantly say, "I had know idea. I've never even heard of such a reaction. Ever. Someone dislikes a threesome more than their spouses physical safety? Well, by all means, you should ignore my suggestion. Doesn't mean it's not valid for the rest of the 99.99% of the LS."
Again, nobody is saying that. Inaccurate assumption is really a challenge for you in establishing an understanding of others, that much is quite clear.
I don't really care what you think of me or what defense mechanism attacks your ego wishes to launch as a result of my standing up to point out the clear flaw in your "opinion" and the inept and rude manner of its presentation.
So let's get down to the details.
Your suggestion is not the only valid means of establishing safety for the person playing solo. It is a suggestion, but it only accommodates those for whom group/threesome play is acceptable and those for whom repeated long term play with others is part of their sexual dynamic.
There are a variety of very common reasons why a couple may not be comfortable with the scenario you put forward. Here are a few: Maybe one or both (or all three) of their sexual turn-ons from the experience is specifically tied to the spouse not being present. Maybe one or both of the men have erectile issues in the presence of other men. Maybe they play while they, or the spouse, is traveling for work. Maybe they fetishize the "cheating" dynamic. etc... etc...
To project the false assertion that people who pursue these situations are placing the safety of the person playing solo below "instant gratification" or the rest of the flawed ideas you put forward is clearly an inept assessment. There are plenty of other options people can pursue in order to create a greater sense of safety other than the very narrowly appealing idea that you have put forward. The Driver's License idea is one such example. Your idea is fine and good advice for those whom it is inclusive of. My suggestion was not presented as a solution for everyone either as it has only selective usefulness.
However, your use of speculative language to denigrate others as part of your "opinion" simply because they engage in sex differently from you, differently from what you personally find comfortable, or differently from what you comprehend is not something I will sit quietly by and watch happen. You can say you framed it with a disclaimer that it was just your "humble opinion" all you want. That doesn't change the fact that your "humble opinion" was (inaccurately) framed as if it held authority (the opposite of humbleness is clear in your posts) nor the fact that it was inept in its assessments.
Your tossed out ideas about these folks are baseless and inaccurate. I'm not one of them, but I know many and I will always speak up against false claims like yours.
So, yes, dramatically complete your pigeon chess. Pretend you should feel good about yourself as you stomp away affirming your ego's tenuous grasp of closure here. Whatever gets you through the night.
The truth is that you've defensively denigrated and attacked people out of a position of ignorance. Maybe next time, think a bit more before typing, and if you are going to pretend to be humble while trashing others realize the two are not compatible.
Adam
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