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Question: Lifestyle has caused terrible problems in our relationship

Dear Lounge Advice, I am an educated, very attractive young looking older woman.Few years ago I married a long time, hard core, bi-fixated swinger, a sex addict.Once he said he loves sport fucking and he can not live without it.I promised to join him in the Lifestyle.I did not enjoyed it as he does because he put so much pressure on me to do it.Often I did not like people I had to have sex with and I did not want to do it on the webcam. It caused a lot of problems between us.Lifestyle is the only subject we fight about.I do not think this lifestyle is worth going through life like this.I have never been yelled, belittled, called names more in my life.We did not have sex for 3 month now. He is in the bad mood and depressed all the time.He says I destroyed his life because I do not share his desire to swing.All I have to do is relax and spread my legs! Divorce is not an option. I noticed other couples here have similar problems. Nobody wants to admit it. Of course NOT. All is so sweet and dandy........Is it? Is it always FUN ???????????????????

Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

I've been through a similar situation and yes, when couples go through this, they normally don't let everyone else see the darker side. When you're in this kind of situation, sometimes it's denial, sometimes it's blind acceptance/acquiescence and sometimes you just kind of choke it down and deal with it, creating a life of misery.
Even though the swinging wasn't as big of an issue in my past marriage, the belittling, name calling, unwelcome sex, and physical exchanges were rampant. He would always say that there is no divorce, just the 'backyard' (meaning that I would be buried there) I was fearful of him and never was sure what he would do if I tried to leave.
I'm not sure why you say divorce is not an option- it always is, no matter what the situation. I never thought it would happen either.
You're right. The lifestyle isn't worth what you're going through. He cares more about swinging than his relationship with you. Why do you stay? It sounds like you're only a piece of meat being used for his sexual goals.
Show yourself some self-respect and stand up for yourself. This should start (and it looks as if you may be doing this already) by you refusing to participate in the lifestyle anymore.
He doesn't sound like to type of person that you can reason with, but give it a shot.
Express yourself- SPEAK UP!
If this continues, you need to leave, no matter how locked in you feel.
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