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Question: How do I handle a man who won't let up?

Dear Lounge Advice,

I am very new to the lifestyle. The reality is that I am here because my boyfriend has been a member for quite a while. That said I am very sexual and can see myself participating in soft swap situations (only when my boyfriend is there) - and who knows what down the road.

I went to my first real 'function' over the weekend and there was a guy who wanted to have sex and was very insistent about it - made me feel very naive and a bit out of place. How do I handle this in the future without making a scene?




Sincerely,

(Anonymous)

  
Dear (Anonymous),

You have two options:

1) Be direct. Tell persistant men what you told me. They need to hear that you're not a full swap woman and that you will only entertain any kind of soft play with your boyfriend present. There's no need to make a scene, just be cordial about it.

2) Go elsewhere in the club/venue to stay away from him.


Although the second reaction may work for a bit, you still run the chance of him maneuvering his way back to you. Also, this doesn't send him the direct message that he needs to leave you alone.
The best policy is honesty. If he persists, then you'll have to 'remind' him firmly of what you already said.
If I was in this situation and he didn't get the message, I'd also make it a point to let my partner know that the guy won't lay off. Hopefully, if your boyfriend is there, he will support you. Or, if he's anything like my husband, he'll verbally emasculate the man :)
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